Menopause and Spilled Milk!

 

As a writer, revision is my middle name. I revise, almost, until the cows come home.

But what about as a menopausal woman?

Do I need to turn myself into ice cream?

Or should I just be happy with spilled milk, no crying allowed?

Cliff, my husband the engineer, goes into semi-heart failure if he spills anything. A splash of pickle juice.  A dollop of coffee grounds.

The cries from the kitchen make me think the stove has caught fire, again, or the refrigerator is emitting poisonous gas.

To me, a spill isn’t such a big deal, unless it ruins a silk blouse or my daughter’s hard-earned diploma.

And so perhaps it should be with our bodies.  Our houses. Our goals.  Our disappointments.

Maybe we simply need to chill and embrace the spill.

I have a friend who’s in graduate school while working a full-time job. On top of that, she’s planning a wedding.  The other day she said, “I think, in terms of my grades in grad school, I just need to lower my standards a bit.”

I’ve thought the same thing about me.

That, as a woman of a certain age, I can lower my standards and quit fretting about revising my very own self.  (Although I’m not going to give up on my Wedding Arms, at least not yet.)

What about you?

Did The Great Pause put you into more accepting pastures?

Are you learning to embrace the spill?

Photo: Thanks to  Write4Kids.com for the Katherine Paterson quote.

Katherine Paterson is the author of over thirty books including the much beloved Bridge to Terabithia.  Read more about her writing process in this interview posted on the Scholastic Books website. 

My story “Christabel and Mr. Reader,” inspired by my reading husband Cliff, was a Finalist for the Katherine Paterson Prize. You can read the story here, on the website of Hunger Mountain: The VCFA Journal of the Arts.

Congrats to Judy Brown who won the copy of  Black Pearls: A Faerie Strand by Louise Hawes.

The Scale: A Poem and a Giveaway

In honor of us menopausal types, my poem, “The Scale”:

Do you cringe

When you deliver

The bad news to me,

Or is smirking

More your style?

Someday, Scale,

I hope you’ll speak

Kindly, firmly, fondly

With words since 

Your numbers fail me.

Are you a scale girl?

A waistband girl?

So lucky you don’t need to measure your weight in any way at all?

Or so carefree, it’s not a concern?

Giveaway:  Speaking of weight and weight issues, Mika Brzezinski chronicles her eating troubles as well as her friend Diane’s and much of America’s in OBSESSED: America’s Food Addiction – And My Own.

Get the inside scoop on the eating habits of Gayle King, Charles Barkley, Jennifer Hudson, Padma Lakshmi, and others.  Best of all, read Kathleen Turner’s comments on appearing naked, at 46, as Mrs. Robinson in the stage version of  The Graduate.

For a chance to win a copy, simply enter a comment by May 25 saying you’d like to be the winner.

Menopause Feet, Oh My!

About fifteen years ago, my friend Lisa Flinn commented, “When you go through menopause, I read that a layer of fat on you feet disappears. It makes walking more uncomfortable.”

We were talking on the phone when she gave me this bit of info.

And like a lot of things you hear on the phone, I didn’t quite believe it.

Menopause and feet?

What could feet have to do with menopause?

I was a Menopause Virgin.

I thought menopause was all about the end of your periods, hot flashes, and maybe feeling grumpy.

Oh Barbara.

How could you ever be so naive.

About two years ago, my feet started to feel odd, as if…

Yep.

As if a layer of padding was gone.

As if my bones were actually scraping the hardwood floors of this old house.

Here’s what one foot doctor has to say:

“Aging results in loss of fat below the bottom of the foot, even as unwanted fat is gained in most other parts of the body. This fat once provided cushioning, and we now find ourselves walking on the foot bones and skin.”

The doc goes on to recommend orthotics. If those don’t work, she suggests the injection of some fluffy substance into the actual foot.  Ouch!

Perhaps I’ll get to that point, but for now, I’ve found a cheaper, easier solution.

I bought super duper extra thick tennis socks. It almost feels like you’re putting a baby bunny on your feet.

Spring’s here, and my feet are ready to roll.

So far, pretty good.

High quality walking shoes help too.

Anybody else have a similar foot story to tell?

Solutions?

P.S.:  I don”t really know much about this brand. I just picked them out after googling “extra thick socks.”  My uncle isn’t chairman of the board or anything along those lines.

But Thorlo, if you read this post, a Friend for the Ride giveaway would be oh so fluffy cool and fun.

Wedding Update: Showers and the Sisterhood!

A bride and  her mom.

Presents.

A fun game that gets everyone thinking about marriage and love and weddings and the years ahead.

Flowers in the wedding colors on a table splashed with more color.

Chocolate and berries.

Sandwiches, oh so dainty and ladylike.

Punch, gently spiked.

Cake!

Bridesmaids and sisters-in-law-to be.

And most of all, the good wishes and wise advice of  the sisterhood, women young and old.

The sisterhood comes out in enthusiastic force for showers!

Thanks to my friends Lisa and Judy and Gail, who put on this festive shower for Laura, and to the friends who joined us with gifts and good wishes. I’m sorry we didn’t capture your pictures.

And to the Shower Sisterhood Universal I say, “Cake and punch and advice forever!  Hooray!”

Any shower stories to share?

With thanks to my blogging daughters, Katherine and Laura for letting me use their photos. I can hardly bear to look at that cake. That’s how delicious it was.

Rick’s Grandma (and Her White Potato Pudding Recipe!)

When I began reading essays at Piedmont Community College in Yanceyville, North Carolina, I was struck by the happy place that grandparents, especially grandmothers, play in the lives of the students I meet.

Paper after paper recounts a grandma’s love.  Her energy. Her patience. Her whimsy. Her cooking!

So when my daughter Kath announced that my first grandchild was on the way, I began to wonder (and worry) a bit.

What sort of grandma will I be?  Will I earn someday a staring role in an essay?

A few weeks ago, Rick Stone brought in his paper. I’m  a writing tutor. I have the privilege of looking over essays before the instructor does, with his or her grading pen in hand.

Titled “My Adored Grandmother,” Rick’s essay tells of Anna Gertrude Foster, a ”short, little woman with intelligent eyes.”  Born in 1923, as the years went by Anna was “blessed with twelve children.”

Rick put down the paper we were studying and spoke: “When Grandma came into the room, even though she had a quiet voice, everyone stopped talking.”

All eyes and ears focused on Anna.

In time, her grandchildren numbered twenty-four, but when you were with Anna, “It was like you were her favorite grandchild. She treated you so special. Her beautiful smile made you feel loved.”

I’ll never be tiny like Rick’s grandma.

I’m far from soft-spoken.

I’ve got a rather crooked smile.

It was like you were her favorite grandchild. She treated you so special.

But that I can try my very best to do.

Even if I have twenty-four.

Guide me, Anna Gertrude Foster!

Photo Above:  Anna in the yard of her home many years ago.

 

Anna in later years.

Rick holding two drafts of his essay.

Anna could cook!  Rick’s favorite dish was her White Potato or Ash Pudding, served for dessert. He brought in a cupful, piping hot, for me to taste. Yum. Potato magic!

White Potato (or Ash) Pudding

3-4 medium potatoes peeled, boiled until done, and mashed

one stick butter or margarine

one 1/4 cups sugar

2 eggs

2 drops of lemon flavor or a teaspoon of lemon juice

1/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a mixing bowl, combine all ingredients except the eggs. Beat until smooth.

Beat eggs in a separate bowl. Add to the potato mixture and beat for one minute.

Put into an ovenproof dish and bake for 40-45 minutes or until the pudding is brown on top.

Serve warm.

Store leftover pudding in the refrigerator.

Note: You may need to set your oven on broil after forty minutes to get the pudding to brown.

Thanks to Rick’s mom, Anna Stone, for this recipe, and thanks to Rick for permission to quote from his essay and for the photos.

I Didn’t Pause for Menopause

When blogger Ruth Crates told me that she flew through menopause, I asked her to write us a post to present that side of  the story.  Take it away, Ruth!

Menopause?

I think I was so busy I missed it.

Since I am now 62, and I haven’t had a period in a while, I am pretty sure it happened.

Let’s back up just a little bit…

When I reached the age where periods were probable, my mom sat down with me (briefly) and we had a talk.

What I remember most about the talk was the fact that my grandmother never told my mother about the entire process.  Some subjects were just taboo in the 1930’s; this was one of them.  When her first period came, she seriously thought she was going to die and was afraid to tell anyone.   Luckily, her older sister intervened.

Even though Mom didn’t really give me a lot of information during the talk, she at least wanted to spare me the fear of the unknown.

She  gave me a little book created by Kotex  called “Now You Are 10″.  It explained everything very nicely and even had a diagram explaining how to use the little belts we had to wear to hold the sanitary napkins in place.   I never did get the hang of that!

Girls are always at some hormonal point in their lives.  I figure we get 10 years of no worries.

Then you have:  Premenstrual, Menstrual, Postmenstrual,  Pregnancy, Post pregnancy, Perimenopause. Menopause, and Post Menopause.  It’s the never-ending story!

I have gone through all those stages (some of them several times).

Unfortunately, now I have reached the stage which I have taken the liberty of calling “Oldness.”

I may be done with all of the above afflictions, but now there are new things  like memory-loss, confusion, arthritis, joint-replacement, and the ever popular incontinence.

As for the menopause thing, I had a pretty easy time of it.

My periods were never  regular except for a brief time in the 70′s when I was on “The Pill”.  So I can easily dismiss that symptom.

I don’t recall a single hot flash.

I did have night sweats for a long time…. maybe even as long as 10 years, but I blamed it on my mattress.

Since my periods were irregular, they were sometimes “super-heavy” and unpredictable.  I bought a rubberized bed cover to protect the mattress.  I always thought that the rubber discouraged air flow and  resulted in the sweats.  Maybe it was actually … menopause!

This I am sure of:  paranoia is a direct result of menopause.

When I turned 57, I had not had a period in several months and I began to have thoughts about being pregnant. It could happen.  These thoughts took on a life of their own and I began to obsess about it.

I had several mini-panic  attacks thinking I was pregnant.

I actually went to the doctor and had a pregnancy test done.   My doctor, thank goodness, is a woman, so I think she sensed how disturbed my thoughts were and wanted to put these fears to rest.

Of course, the results were negative, and I was quite relieved. I guess the funniest part about this obsession is that my husband had  a vasectomy 20 years earlier…. I mean, really, what were the odds!

I have always thought that obsessive and unrealistic thoughts were a side effect of menopause, at least in my case, because usually I am pretty sane.

Every woman’s menopause is different.

We should be careful not to compare our experience with others too closely. Experiencing an uneventful menopause is definitely preferable to having a difficult one.

Taking your menopausal symptoms seriously is sound procedure.

Visiting your doctor on a regular basis is just good sense.  The better your doctor knows you, the better chance you both have of being able to figure out what is going on with your body.  That is something we all need to be aware of no matter what time of life we are in.

Regardless of how you deal with the stages of your life… they are your Life.

Enjoy the changes and embrace each stage because there is always another one on the way!

Ruth Crates was born and raised on a Midwest grain and livestock farm and has  lived her entire life within a 30 mile radius.  She’s  been married to a grain and livestock farmer for 41 years, and they have three children (An attorney, a carpenter, and a librarian) and three grandchildren. Ruth taught for 35 years. She’s now retired and loving it! She started blogging to record stories for her children and grandchildren. Check out her  blog at Retiredruth: Life in the 50′s and Beyond.

Surf’s Up and a Solar Shades Giveaway!

My grandson Mazen, in the photo above, sports his way cool shades, ready to hit the beach.

And I bet if Maze knew his alphabet, he could wear those shades when he reads by the surf.

He’s got young eyes!

When my old eyes began to fail me and small print elude me, I decided not to grump.

I bought myself cute reading glasses and settled in.

The glasses worked great from my cozy spot on the couch.

But the first time I sank into my striped beach chair and pulled out a novel, I realized I was in trouble.

Yikes!

If I took off my sunglasses and put on my reading glasses, the sun blinded me.

If I didn’t wear my reading glasses, I couldn’t even read the title page.

I tried layering them:  reading glasses with sunglasses on top.

It’s like trying to make  mismatched puzzle pieces fit. Just can’t do it.

Solar Shield makes sunglasses  designed to fit just right over regular glasses.

How clever is that?

And Solar Shield makes clips ons that fit snugly on today’s eyeglasses.  They sent me two pairs to sample.

No tourist nerd look here.  You stretch them to make them fit.  They come in a carrying case to keep them sand-free when you aren’t wearing them.

So this summer, when the surf’s up, I’m set, just like Maze.

Giveaway: I’m keeping one pair and giving away the other pair. For a chance to win, enter a comment by May 10 saying  you’d like to be the winner. US addresses only. Winner will be selected at random.

 I received two pairs of Dioptics Solar Shield sunglasses and compensation for reviewing this product via Vibrant Nation’s Vibrant Influencer Network.