Tag Archives: Halloween

Menopause Tips Straight from a Witch’s Mouth

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“Menopause,” the witch hissed, shaking her broom. “Nothing to it.”

“Really?” I asked. “You’ve got the magic potion? Do share!”

She pointed a snarly finger my way. “You foolish blogger! There’s no potion for menopause!” Her face softened a bit. “But here are some tips.”

1.  Looking old? Green masks age spots. Try it.

2. Feeling pudgy?  Black is slimming to all of us.

3.  Kids getting on your nerves?  Call them “My pretties” and watch them scatter.

4. Man getting on your nerves? Make some reference to a “a cold witch’s tit” and see him scatter too.

5. Feeling teary? Toughen up. Think witch-like thoughts.

6.  Bad hair day? Cover at least some of it with a stylish pointed hat.

7. Nothing for dinner? Throw the contents of your pantry into a cauldron and stir.

8. Mad chocolate cravings? When a kid in a costume knocks on your door and says, “Trick or treat,” grab his or her candy bag.

9. Night sweats? Use your broomstick to take a spin through the cool night air.

10. Mood swings! Relax. Who doesn’t want to be a witch?

Witch's Face

A Halloween Beauty Tip!

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Pumpkin Menopause Lady

A post from Greta, a pumpkin I met at the North Carolina State Fair last week.

Hello everyone in Internet World!

I must say, I thought Barbara was rude to just pop a camera in my face.

But then we got to chatting, and I learned she writes a menopause blog.

I thought I’d help a girl out.

“Hey Barb,” I said. “Here’s a beauty tip for your old gal readers: PAINT YOURSELF GREEN!”

That’s what I did.

Fast. Easy. Stunning results.

Look how beautiful I am, warts and all.

Here’s lookin’ at ya! Happy Halloween!

Best,

Greta

Pumpkin Menopause Lady

Pumpkin Menopause

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BOO! and BOO!  and BOO!

You might think these pumpkins are men but they aren’t!  They are Pumpkin Ladies who have pulled their hair back.

And guess what?  Each one is in the middle of the Roller Coaster Ride!  You didn’t think pumpkins went through menopause?  Just ask these women:

Hi I’m Paulette, the pumpkin on the left. I am in a BAD mood even though it’s Halloween.  GRRRR. Yesterday, everything had a happy orange glow but not today!  Read my pumpkin lips, honey:  GET OUT OF MY FACE!  You go have yourself a Happy Halloween, but leave me alone.

Hi I’m Polly, the pumpkin in the middle.  Life is good!  Nothing can get me down.  I just want to grin, grin, grin.  Happy Halloween everyone!  I wish I could pop out of the screen and hug you all!  Since I can’t, I’m sending you a thousand Halloween winks!

Hi I’m Penelope, the pumpkin on the right.  I don’t know if I’m in a good mood or a bad one.  I was in a bad mood a minute ago, but now I’m in a great mood. Whoopee!  Oh wait, now I’m in a bad mood.  I could throw candy corn at the world!  Oh hold on, now I’m as happy as a witch sailing on a broomstick through the Halloween Sky.  Oh wait, did someone say witch?  Now I’m feeling itchy and witchy and bitchy.  Drats.

See!  I told you.  Pumpkins go through menopause too.

The next time menopause makes you up, or down, or up and down, remember our Pumpkin Sisters!  We are not alone.

     HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  

Photo:  When I met them, these lovely pumpkin ladies told me they would be pleased to be featured on Friend for the Ride.   They are spreading the word about my new menopause blog to the rest of the Female Pumpkin WorldWelcome, new Pumpkin Readers! 

The Carver: These pumpkins were on display this year at the North Carolina State Fair.  Check out some more examples of the work of master carver Tim Trudgeon.