Nude Beach in 2012? Nope. Naked Church!

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Every year, when resolution time comes around, I have to decide if I want mine to be about my body.  My body needs some resolving.

But resolutions don’t work that well for me.  They’re too easy to ignore.  I realized this week that I needed a more clever plan.

Especially now that The Great Pause is playing its ha ha body tricks, I wondered if I could fool my body into kicking ass (excuse the language) and stomach and arms and thighs and all the rest.

Bam!  Brilliance.

A NUDE BEACH!

This summer!  Six months from now.  July.  Me, buck naked on the beach towel.  Skipping in and out of the surf in my birthday bathing suit.  Maybe taking a turn on a surf board.  Would that be enough to scare the fat and jiggle out of me?

Sure!  Who wants to be the frumpiest fifty-something  nude on one of those exotic beaches?

But my friends don’t frequent nude beaches.  Only strangers would see me.  To really get my body in tip top shape, I needed even more pressure.

So another plan.  An even more brilliant one.

NAKED CHURCH!

This summer.

What if I knew that in six months, I was going to have to go to church naked?

I don’t mean this disrespectfully–I figure God liked nudity before Adam and Eve went and messed things up.

What if I had to face the entire congregation?  Naked.  And if they were naked too, that would make the pressure even greater.

Do I want to have the plainest outfit in the pews on Easter Sunday?  Nope.  And I don’t want to be the frumpiest nude in July either.

I’m starting the fitness program right now!  I’ll wait until late April to approach the  Worship Committee to see if they will back up my idea.

That will give me a four month running start.

Opinions?  Want to join me in the challenge?  Should we take the plan nationwide?  Those of you who aren’t church or other place of worship-goers could consider Naked Theater Group, Naked Rotary, or Naked Book Club.

Photo:  This picture hangs on a beach house on Bald Head Island.  The beaches aren’t really nude on Bald Head.  That’s a good thing, because after I go to church in the buff, I’m going to have to get the heck out of Hillsborough.  I’ll need an island where I can hide, and I have a hunch I will never go naked again.

22 responses »

  1. This made me laugh out loud…I grew up in SoCal…my boyfriend (now husband) and I went occasionally to Black’s Beach, down by San Diego, the closest nude beach to the University (Univ. of CA, Riverside)…that was back when I was 40 pounds lighter and much easier to sway. You won’t see my nude body anywhere soon…but I think you should go for it!!!

  2. This most definitely sounds like a recurring nightmare to me. Only I was naked in school.

    I have to ask about the pews. Will there be those little paper rolls like at the doctor’s office? I worry more about THAT actually than the flab.

    But, honestly, I am right behind you on the weight loss plan. I have one more holiday (New Year’s) to get through and then – BAM! No more carbs. No more sugar. Bike ride every day. Gym every other day. Weigh in is January 2. I’ll keep you posted.

    Can’t imagine I’ll join you in church though. Even if I lose 20 lbs, it still wouldn’t be a pretty sight. 😉

    • Yes, we’d better get that paper for the pews, although I imagine it will sound crinkly during prayer time.

      Good luck on your program. Yes, let’s check in!

  3. I’m just trying to get beach ready by Jan. 21 so that is incentive enough for me to give up the sugar again now that we are past Dec. 25. I am really ready for my email inbox to start getting healthy eating ideas instead of cookies and treats that tempt me.

  4. I think I will pass on the nude church and the beach. After you lose all that weight, then you have all this saggy skin!!!!! And besides that, you can be skinny and still not have a nice figure or nice legs, arms, bottom, etc. But it made me laugh picturing “the frozen chosen” in the nude.

    • Oh gosh, I didn’t think about the sag. Yes, the Frozen Chosen (Gail is talking about our Presbyterian Church) will look great in the buff!

  5. Love this post! I was laughing out loud too! I read it to my husband and we discussed, he said “I could see it at the contemporary service but not the 11 o’clock traditional service.” Consider me on board for the naked eating plan lord knows my last new years resolution did not stick.

  6. I too, am cracking up! Not ready to go nude, but certainly ready to focus on improving this body. For me it will have to be by July (so I’ve got 6 months) as my dad surprised us for Christmas with a trip to Hawaii this summer! It will be a family reunion where I will get to see my brother and his family (who live in Australia). One of the rare times I saw him was when we were there for his wedding and my luggage never showed up. I weighed much less and was able to fit into my tiny sister in law’s clothing. Hope to be that size again this summer, but hoping my own clothes show up this time!

    As for naked church, our pastor would probably be really uncomfortable with that and it’s so cold and wet in Oregon so I’d better pass! 🙂

    One more thing: just wondering ladies, what is the best way as we age, to lose the weight? So many options. Exercise, eating low carb, counting calories, many small meals, …. just wish I knew what my body will respond to…

    • Your trip sounds wonderful! How fun.

      Don’t know about the best way to lose –it may just be same old same old (calories in, calories out) but harder. Let’s compare notes in a few months! Good luck.

  7. Boy oh boy, this one is off the charts 🙂 It definately has the kick in the pants jump start that we all need to get going. I am in on trying to drop the pounds but we do need to line the pews with something. I usher on the 1st sundat, where will my usher pin go?

    • Yes, we’ll have the Sunday school kids color festive decorations (Bible stories, doves, rainbows etc.) on white or brown paper that we will use to line the pews! I hadn’t thought about usher pins! Clifford is suggesting piercing, but that seems a bit extreme. We must keep mulling…

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