Encountering the Seven Dwarves of Menopause

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Seven-Dwarfs-of-MenopauseA post by wellness nurse Mary Buchan:

You are hot and itchy and you want to punch people. You laughed and some pee came out. You are exhausted. You cry at the drop of a hat. You can’t sleep, and you have no idea what you were looking for in the closet. You haven’t had a period in a year.

You desire a romantic encounter, but you feel so…dry. And you’re not really feeling very sexy anyway. It’s painful to admit that your body is increasingly becoming bloated, despite your best efforts to stick to your eating plan and exercise protocol.

My friend, it’s no mystery, you’re just under the spell of the seven evil dwarves of menopause. Once upon a time they were the adorable seven little guys who helped Snow White escape from the curse of her wicked stepmother, but now they’ve mutated into gremlins on a mission to haunt the midlife woman.

So instead of thinking of them in terms of Snow White, maybe “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” would be a better fit.

These seven dwarves are hideous, sinister beings whose names are Itchy, Bitchy, Leaky, Sleepy, Sweaty, Weepy, and, of course, Forgetful. And hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work they go…

These dwarves of menopause have been described by Suzanne Somers in her book, The Sexy Years, but she’s only one of the many midlife women who’ve had their own encounters with these tiny tormentors.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these devilish dwarves and offer some advice about how to handle them.

Itchy is heckling you because your entire body is losing moisture, not only in your skin, but also in your eyes and even your vagina.

Bitchy makes your mood shift all over the spectrum, often causing you to overreact to minor irritants and seem a little crazy.

Leaky latches himself onto gravity and your aging process, making it very easy leak pee at inopportune moments, like when you laugh, cough or sneeze. This can also lead to urinary tract infections.

Sweaty brings hot flashes and night sweats. You might wake up in the morning feeling like you’ve just left the gym after a high-intensity cardio workout.

Sleepy makes his presence known when you’re unable to sleep through the night, sometimes because you’re feeling overheated.

Weepy causes you to cry hysterically for no good reason, simply because your hormones are out of whack and your emotions are all over the place.

Forgetful comes in the form of a foggy brain. If I remember correctly, studies show that this will pass once you get past menopause.

Stay tuned, and in the next post, I’ll share some steps you can take to get these diabolical dwarfs under control—so you really can live Happily Ever After.

Mary Buchan has spent the past 30 years as a wife, mother, registered nurse and singer/songwriter.  In 2012 she re-purposed her nurse’s cap to start her own coaching practice with a focus on life reinvention. Mary is also a blogger and the author of the soon to be released book  Over It: How To Live Above Your Circumstances and Beyond Yourself ( Spark Publications).

Mary B

Check out Mary’s website, where you can also find her blog:   http://marybuchan.com/

 Grammar Tidbit: When I loaded Mary’s post onto my blog, I saw the word “dwarves” come up in spellcheck. A little grammatical investigation led to this fun answer, linked to our Hobbit friend, J.R. Tolkien.

21 responses »

  1. True, true, true! Painfully and laughingly true. It’s obvious to me that I am in the menopausal state (no more denying) when I find myself running through my house in my birthday suit (we have no neighbors.. not that it would matter)!

      • I wonder if “menopause” should be a secret to the younger girls/women?!?!?! They may run away, laugh and make fun of us while we are going through it, but their turn is coming….. ready or not.

  2. I’ve been there. I wrote a similar blog post back in 2011 on my blog High Heels and Hot Flashes. It was my very first blog post about menopause, so this post brings back a lot of “fun” memories.

  3. All 7 sound like me going through perimenopause.
    I want to add weepy. Achy and so many more.
    The worst though is sleepy. I don’t sleep that well and it just makes everything that much worse.

    • I feel your pain because I have been there. I had the same issues with weepiness, achiness and sleeplessness that you are experiencing. It became unbearable, I thought I had Fibromyalgia. So I went to my GYN Doctor who did lab work and discovered that I was perimenopausal and my hormones were out of balance. She gave me a prescription for Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy. I started feeling better within one month and continued to feel more like my healthy self after 3 months. I am ache free and sleeping better. This has helped me have a better outlook on life.

      I will leave you with this quote: The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep. ~
      E. Joseph Cossman

  4. What great writing, Mary. You have described with humor and preciseness what so many of us experience! I would have to add” foggy” if I could vote on an 8th dwarve to include in the family!

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