Menopause Tips Straight from a Witch’s Mouth

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“Menopause,” the witch hissed, shaking her broom. “Nothing to it.”

“Really?” I asked. “You’ve got the magic potion? Do share!”

She pointed a snarly finger my way. “You foolish blogger! There’s no potion for menopause!” Her face softened a bit. “But here are some tips.”

1.  Looking old? Green masks age spots. Try it.

2. Feeling pudgy?  Black is slimming to all of us.

3.  Kids getting on your nerves?  Call them “My pretties” and watch them scatter.

4. Man getting on your nerves? Make some reference to a “a cold witch’s tit” and see him scatter too.

5. Feeling teary? Toughen up. Think witch-like thoughts.

6.  Bad hair day? Cover at least some of it with a stylish pointed hat.

7. Nothing for dinner? Throw the contents of your pantry into a cauldron and stir.

8. Mad chocolate cravings? When a kid in a costume knocks on your door and says, “Trick or treat,” grab his or her candy bag.

9. Night sweats? Use your broomstick to take a spin through the cool night air.

10. Mood swings! Relax. Who doesn’t want to be a witch?

Witch's Face

15 responses »

  1. Very creative are you! Hey, I love your shirt over on Kath’s blog, with the elephants, and was wondering if you’d be willing to share where you got it? Adorable, and I have a daughter that LOVES elephants! 🙂

  2. Pingback: Menopause Tips from a Halloween Witch | talkhealth Blog

  3. Funny and creative postI Happy Halloween! I love Andrea’s humorous suggestion for an HRT formula! By the way, although Google keeps changing their logo all day long, did you happen to catch the “howling to the moon” logo!?!

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