Before I Die: Sink Hair!

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I snapped this photo while visiting daughter Laura and son-in-law Matt in Dallas. Texas has the best beer gardens. At this one, folks take turn filling in the blanks. From the looks of the crowd, I suspect these answers were chalked in by beer drinkers a lot younger than I am. I bet they contemplated their bucket lists with a much airier attitude than we older folks do.

But this post isn’t  about my bucket list. It’s about coming to terms with dying. Who’s working on it?

Me.

My mother’s death, and the great courage she showed, gives me the guts to really contemplate my earthly mortality. The experts promise that accepting death helps us live the rest of our years with gratitude and gusto. Want to ponder this more? Read this article from the New York Times.

For me, one aspect is finally realizing I can’t control much of what happens after I die (because I’m dead.) Who takes my dolls and my grandmother’s china? How many years (or months!) until Cliff remarries? Will anyone remember (or keep) my published books?

What I cared about at forty, I can now let go.

But the other day we had friends coming over. I realized at the last minute that I had NOT gone over the bathroom. Yucky hair festooned the sink. My hair.

What if I weren’t here to clean the sink? What if I were dead and people came to pay their condolences to Cliff and the sink looked like it did last Friday night?

I don’t care if there are clothes piled on the chair in the hall. I don’t care if there are dishes in the sink. I don’t care if there are shoes by the back door.

Do I care about sink hair?

YES!

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I told Cliff NOT to let anyone into the house until he has checked the sink. The sponge and cleaner are underneath. The picture above (which also shows my new monogrammed soap dispenser) demonstrates how I want the sink to look.

Cliff said okay. What a man! I hope he finds an adorable second wife.

I’m not ready to die yet, but I’m one mini-step closer now that I know my sink’s appearance is secured.

How about you?

What have you let go?

What do you still worry/care about after you die?

23 responses »

  1. Funny and appealing post. Like life- there is fun and joy- while the dark one waits patiently. My mother would have agreed with you about sink hair! As for me- when I was younger with the kids at home, I always told my husband “Hon, there is no Santa. So if anything happens to me- YOU have to buy the presents for the kids.” At this point, I don’t want to leave a lot of stuff for the kids to have to go through. I know many of us have had to close our parents’ homes. Thanks for a great post!

  2. I have let go that family members clearing out my stuff will find writing/teacher clutter. I have downsized some, but I still accumulate more. I’ve accepted that most likely they will choose to toss it all. I’ve come to terms with that.

  3. Before a close friend passed away a few years back, she made her sweet husband a list. On this list, she outlined who he could and could not date/marry. Thankfully, he respected her wishes. It made for an adorable story at her memorial service. It must have worked, too. He remarried last year. Not sure what else concerned her at her death, but I don’t think it was sink hair. 🙂

    • Wow, an arranged marriage from the grave! Don’t give Barbara any ideas 🙂 I would imagine that the women that he could NOT marry were not too happy to find themselves on this list.

      • They had recently taken up SHAG dancing and she had met a few characters that she didn’t trust and knew would be bad for him and their grown children. Makes me wish I knew who she said NO to! I have another friend that was widowed recently, her late husband had also picked his. She could not be happier with his replacement. The original marriage had been quite difficult, so at least he knew that he was obnoxious in life.

      • Gosh. Cliff and I had better start SHAG dancing so I can look for worrisome women for the NO list. Maybe I’ll burn some calories and become a better dancer, too!

  4. Points to Cliff for agreeing about the sink! And it’s good to think now about what will happen “after”. My biggest concern is who will inherit my genealogy material (HUGE!). Will anyone want it? As far as the house and other “stuff”, I just need to apologize to my kids in advance. Take what you want and then hire an auctioneer!

  5. I couldn’t care less about the sink hair, although I do wish it would stay on my aging head. What I do care about is making sure the kids don’t have to go through my things. So I have divided family objects and photographs between the two of them and sorted out family photos for nephews, nieces, and grandchildren.

  6. I do often think about dying. I often think as I am driving etc. that someday I will not be doing this anymore. Or grocery shopping–“I will someday not be doing this anymore”. I do want to get rid of a lot of my stuff so my kids don’t have to deal with it all. And honestly I just don’t care what they do with it. Except I just don’t want to put them in the position to argue over all of our stuff which happens often in families. As far as the hair in the sink, I know it mortifies us to imagine it now, but I truly believe that when we leave here, we will laugh at how silly we were to even think such things are at all important.

  7. As someone whose mother died when I was four, my main concerns were always staying alive until my daughters were grown, and worrying that Tim would remarry someone who wouldn’t love them like I do. I’m breathing a little easier now that I have only five years until my little one is 18.

    After moving my dad out of his house, I came home and started throwing things away. I would be sad if no one wanted my scrapbooks or my mom’s nice jewelry, but they can do what they like with the rest!

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