Arguing. Who’s Done?


I want that to be me.

I’m not talking about important moments when you truly need to stand up for yourself.

I’m talking about the dumb stuff. The stuff that doesn’t deeply matter.

Letting even minor arguments go can be a challenge at first, especially when you’re pretty sure you’re right. It can feel like keeping your hands out of the M & M’s bowl. Not easy!


“I know I’m right. I know I’m right. I know I’m right,” your brain chants. But learning to resist can save the moment or save the day or maybe even save the vacation.

Can you do it?

Our spunky interim pastor talked about the best toast given at her wedding. The toaster looked at them both and said, “You can either be right or you can stay married.”

And so perhaps not arguing about the dumb stuff should be a credo for happiness in all relationships. Even with strangers.

It feel so right to give up the need to be right.

What do you say? Are you there yet?

P.S. I lifted the graphic at the top of the post from Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives. This may or may not be a fair use of one of their graphics. If you find this, Tiny Buddha, and want me to take it down, I will. No arguing. Love your site! Facebook wisdom at its best.


Fighting: Yes or No?

I’ve been painting up a storm in 2019. Above is my rendition of Bird Arguing with the Moon. I have no clue what they are arguing about.  Any ideas?

And as I paint, I have lots of time to think. Sometimes I get immersed in the world of my painting, but other times, I ponder different things.

I read lots of self-help. A few years ago, I wrote a post about the glory of the fight. A big old blow out can bring up issues and hostilities that need solving.

But lately I’ve been reading that fighting is NOT how to solve these things. Once tempers rise, it’s best to stop or pause the fight. Wow. Cliff will tell you  that’s not my style. Or didn’t used to be.

But I am slowly understanding that stopping a fight gives each person time to think and to choose more carefully what they want to say. Like toothpaste from a tube, you can’t take those words spoken in fury back again.  Ever.

Besides,  learning to stop or pause the fight, to resist the temptation to say one more word, builds character and strength. It’s like walking away from the bowl of m&m’s. (Another skill I need to focus on.)

I don’t know if Bird is going to call a cease fire to his argument with the moon. I hope they can pause for now and return to resolve their differences peacefully another night.

What about you?

Can you, should you, do you, stop fighting? Do you find this gets easier as you age?

BirdPS:  I post my art on Facebook and have been encouraged and touched by the response of my FB friends. If you’d like to see more of my art, send me a friend request at Barbara Younger.

PPS: I’ve since repaired the pencil lines you see above. I somehow forgot about them and went ahead and varnished the painting, so I couldn’t erase them. I asked my FB friends if the lines needed to go, and the resounding reply was, “Yes.”