My mother was a collector’s collector. She went nuts over vintage linens, buying them for herself and for yours truly.
Soon after Mom died in March, my friend Nancy and I hosted a bridal shower at my house.The younger me would never have believed I could spend hours with Mom’s things within days of her death. I would have expected tears to hit the eyelet napkins like raindrops.
Ironing those napkins and slipping them into Mom’s silver napkin rings put me in happy spirits after a gut-wrenching five weeks. (Mom went fast with cancer.)
Getting ready for the bridal shower helped me mightily
and introduced me to the concept of active, and yes, even festive grief.
In this article on grief, the writer states that “healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance of our loss—but with a new found sense of peace, rather than searing pain.” Active grieving, be it ironing beautiful linens or hiking a beloved trail or starting a scholarship fund, helps us move to that new sense of peace.
My brother found drawers filled with linens as he cleared Mom’s apartment. He shipped them to me a few weeks ago.
I’ve been having a grand time sharing them–more active grieving as my friends admire and select the hand towels, napkins, tablecloths, or bureau scarves they like best.
If I experience a more searing loss, I have no clue if the concept of active grief will help me. But in the case of my mother, who accepted her death and told us she had lived a good life, using and sharing her collections has been restorative and rewarding.
What about you? Thoughts? Impressions? Suggestions? Experiences?
Photo Below: Mom starting out on her linen journey, her wedding day in April of 1946.
Book Giveaway Winners! Congrats to Pam, who won Barbara Crooker Selected Poems; to Carol and Karen, who won Judy Holland’s Moody Bitches; and to Lisa, who won June Cotner and Nancy Tupper Ling’s Toasts.