Tag Archives: Weight

The Scale: A Poem and a Giveaway

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Scale

In honor of us menopausal types, my poem, “The Scale”:

Do you cringe

When you deliver

The bad news to me,

Or is smirking

More your style?

Someday, Scale,

I hope you’ll speak

Kindly, firmly, fondly

With words since 

Your numbers fail me.

Are you a scale girl?

A waistband girl?

So lucky you don’t need to measure your weight in any way at all?

Or so carefree, it’s not a concern?

Giveaway:  Speaking of weight and weight issues, Mika Brzezinski chronicles her eating troubles as well as her friend Diane’s and much of America’s in OBSESSED: America’s Food Addiction – And My Own.

Get the inside scoop on the eating habits of Gayle King, Charles Barkley, Jennifer Hudson, Padma Lakshmi, and others.  Best of all, read Kathleen Turner’s comments on appearing naked, at 46, as Mrs. Robinson in the stage version of  The Graduate.

For a chance to win a copy, simply enter a comment by May 25 saying you’d like to be the winner.

Obsessed

Nude Beach in 2012? Nope. Naked Church!

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Every year, when resolution time comes around, I have to decide if I want mine to be about my body.  My body needs some resolving.

But resolutions don’t work that well for me.  They’re too easy to ignore.  I realized this week that I needed a more clever plan.

Especially now that The Great Pause is playing its ha ha body tricks, I wondered if I could fool my body into kicking ass (excuse the language) and stomach and arms and thighs and all the rest.

Bam!  Brilliance.

A NUDE BEACH!

This summer!  Six months from now.  July.  Me, buck naked on the beach towel.  Skipping in and out of the surf in my birthday bathing suit.  Maybe taking a turn on a surf board.  Would that be enough to scare the fat and jiggle out of me?

Sure!  Who wants to be the frumpiest fifty-something  nude on one of those exotic beaches?

But my friends don’t frequent nude beaches.  Only strangers would see me.  To really get my body in tip top shape, I needed even more pressure.

So another plan.  An even more brilliant one.

NAKED CHURCH!

This summer.

What if I knew that in six months, I was going to have to go to church naked?

I don’t mean this disrespectfully–I figure God liked nudity before Adam and Eve went and messed things up.

What if I had to face the entire congregation?  Naked.  And if they were naked too, that would make the pressure even greater.

Do I want to have the plainest outfit in the pews on Easter Sunday?  Nope.  And I don’t want to be the frumpiest nude in July either.

I’m starting the fitness program right now!  I’ll wait until late April to approach the  Worship Committee to see if they will back up my idea.

That will give me a four month running start.

Opinions?  Want to join me in the challenge?  Should we take the plan nationwide?  Those of you who aren’t church or other place of worship-goers could consider Naked Theater Group, Naked Rotary, or Naked Book Club.

Photo:  This picture hangs on a beach house on Bald Head Island.  The beaches aren’t really nude on Bald Head.  That’s a good thing, because after I go to church in the buff, I’m going to have to get the heck out of Hillsborough.  I’ll need an island where I can hide, and I have a hunch I will never go naked again.