Shortly before my mom died, she revisited the early years of her marriage. Turns out my grandmother wanted my parents to move in with her. “I knew our marriage wouldn’t last if we did,” Mom told me.
Whoa! Mom had never before implied that her marriage of 64 years could have been threatened.
So many times, kids know very little about the inner workings of their parents’ marriage, the real truth. So many times, we think the generation above us is different. Our issues couldn’t have been their issues.
Not true! In 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage (Hudson Street Press, 2015), you’ll learn plenty from older Americans. I wish I’d had this book to read when I was dating, as a bride, a newlywed, and every year from then on. Holy Matrimony, did I learn some stuff!
One revelation is that it’s okay to walk away, politely, from a fight and pick it up later when emotions are calmer.That has never suited my solve everything right now mentality. In fact, on some issues, the “experts” (as the author calls the men and women he interviewed) advise us to give it a year. A whole year.They say many issues resolve themselves.
Not only is 30 Lessons for Loving an insightful and encouraging read for all of us (be we married, evaluating a failed relationship, or searching for a new one), but it makes a fabulous shower, wedding, or anniversary gift.
The publisher writes: Karl Pillemer’s 30 Lessons for Living first became a hit and then became a classic. Readers loved the sage advice and great stories from extraordinary older Americans who shared what they wish they had known when they were starting out. Now, Pillemer returns with lessons on one of the most talked- about parts of that book — love, relationships, and marriage.
Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons forLoving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
Along the way, the book answers questions like these: How do you know if the person you love is the right one? What are the secrets for improving communication and reducing conflict? What gets you through the major stresses of marriage, such as child-rearing, work, money issues, and in laws? From interviews with 700 elders, 30 Lessons for Loving offers unique wisdom that will enrich anyone’s relationship life, from people searching for the right partner to those working to keep the spark alive after decades together.
Filled with great stories, wise observations, and useful advice, 30 Lessons for Loving is destined to become another classic.
Giveaway: For a chance to win a copy of 30 Lessons for Loving, simply enter a comment by July 10 saying you’d like to be the winner. U.S. and Canada only, thanks!
Karl Pillemer, PhD, author of 30 Lessons for Loving, is an internationally renowned gerontologist whose research examines how people develop and change throughout their lives. Dr. Pillemer is professor of human development at Cornell University and founder of the Cornell Institute forTranslational Research on Aging. He has authored five books, including 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, and more than a hundred scientific publications, and has spoken widely throughout the world on issues of successful aging, family relationships, and elder care. He lives in upstate New York.
Learn more about Karl Pillemer and the book in this video:
To share your lesson for loving, visit the book’s site here.
The bride and groom at the top of the post graced my mom and dad’s wedding cake in 1946. When my turn came, Mom took a bit of paint and changed the hair color, turning the bride and groom into Cliff and me. My girls, sadly, refused the plaster of Paris couple and opted for a more modern look atop their cakes.